Ok here is 5 jokes to brighten up your day.Anyway on a side note please support this movie Singapore Dreaming.Its a singapore production and its a independant film with no support from Mediacorp.Ok ok now lets all go watch~~~

1)
A bird who lives on a farm decides he is fed up with flying south every winter and decides this year he is going to stay. So as winter comes and all the other birds fly south, he gathers some food and settles in for a nice winter. However, the weather turns too cold and he is running out of food, so he decides he better fly south. But he doesn't even make it out of the farm before his wings freeze up and he crashes to the ground. As the bird is lying on the ground, freezing to death a cow comes along and shits on him. The shit is warm though, and the bird thaws out and begins to sing of his own salvation. The local barnyard cat, hearing the song comes along and eats the bird. There are three morals we can learn from this story.

1. Not everyone who sits on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who pulls you out of shit is your friend.
3. If you're ever warm and cuddly in a pile of shit, don't sing.



2)
One Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach in America. A lady came
and asked him, " Are you relaxing?"

Singh answered, "No, I am Banta Singh".

Another guy came and asked the him the same question.

Singh answered, "No No Me Banta Singh!"

Third one came and asked him the same question again. Singh was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun.

He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?"

The other Singh was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."

The Singh slapped him on his face and said, "Stupid, idiot. Everyone is looking
for you and your are sitting over here!"


3)
MEMO

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July. 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. Sondra gets none.

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week, and get back to work NOW...!!!

-- Management


4)
One day in New York City, a banker was driving his new Jaguar down the streets. He parked it and opened the door to get out.

Suddenly a taxi went by and ripped the door off.

The driver reported this to a nearby police officer.

The officer saw the whole thing and said "You bankers are so involved in your possessions. You didn't even notice that your arm was ripped off as well"

The banker stared at where his arm used to be and said "OH NO! My new Rolex is gone too!"


5)
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end.

After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively,

"Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs,

"No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles at him and says,

"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs,

"What do you mean $200!"


6)

One day, Johnny was sitting in the library, calmly flicking small ball bearings around the room. Of course, one of the balls hit the librarian square in the forehead. She stood up and glared around the room and said,
"Who has the steel balls," to which Johnny gleefully replied "Superman!"