Funny Jokes...

Warning the following joke is kind of dirty please do not read if you cant stand such jokes....Found all this in a certain forum
Grandfather

Little Johnny and his grandfather are fishing. Granddad pulls out a beer and the little boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have one of those?"

Grandpa replies back, "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?"
Little Johnny responds, "No."
"Then you can't have one."

A while later, the granddad pulls out a cigar and the boy asks, "Can I have one of those?"

Grandpa says, "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?"
Little Johnny responds "No."
"Then you can't have one."

Later on, grandpa and grandson go to the grocery store for food and each buy a lottery ticket. Grandpa is unlucky, but little Johnny says, "I just won $50,000!"
Grandpa says, "Great, your going to split that with me, right?"

The little boy asks, "Grandpa, is your penis long enough to touch your asshole?"
"Yes," says grandpa.
"Then go f*ck yourself."


Ok this is another one about logical thinkingLessons in Logic

If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.

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I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.

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Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect......
so why practice?

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If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

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Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

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Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.

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One should love animals.
They are so tasty.

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Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

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Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

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The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.

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Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.

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Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

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"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep

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There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning

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"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk

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"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours

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God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

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The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.

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A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say.......

This is kind of funny........
A Singaporean was on holiday in Malaysia. He was having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam at the hotel's coffee house.

A Malaysian man, who was chewing gum, sat down next to him & started a
casual conversation.

Malaysian: "You Singaporeans eat the whole bread?"

Singaporean: "Of course."

Malaysian: "We don't. In Malaysia, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants & sell them across to Singapore."

The Malaysian then had a smirk on his face while the Singaporean
listened in silence.

Malaysian: "Do you eat the jam with the bread?"

Singaporean: "Of course."

Malaysian (chuckling): "We don't. In Malaysia, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, and then we put all the peels, seeds & other left-overs in a container, recycle them, transform them into jam before we sell it across to Singapore."

This time, the Singaporean retorted: "Do you have sex in Malaysia?"

Malaysian: "Why, of course we do"

Singaporean: "Do you wear protection"

Malaysian: "Of course! We wear condoms."

Singaporean: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used
them?"

Malaysian: "Stupid question! Of course we throw them away."

Singaporean: "We don't. In Singapore, the government secretly puts
them in a container, recycle them melt them down into chewing gum &
sell them across to Malaysia... & that's the real reason why we banned chewing gum in Singapore."